By - Wazzy
I didn't want to take my eyes off d computer screen even for a split second !
She had written "wait.. brb"
internet is a funny place.. u tend to use words and alphabets which would sound so stupid in d real word.. brb being one of them..
but dis is not about d internet.. not about d stupid abbreviations.. dis story folks, is about my first internet luv.. if i may call it luv for the time being.. coz when u grow older u realize dere's a word for it in d dictionary.. "infatuation"
n dere she was.. "back" she said..
I tried to be humorous "i thought u'd only show up for our wedding day"
"shut up.. we're not gettin married until u convince ur family for u to marry an elder woman.. but i luv u.. n want to have a family with u" she said.
"i luv u too baby... dont worry.. itz just a matter of time.. they'd understand.. parents always understand their children.. dont they.." i proclaimed "plus watz d big deal.. 3 years elder than me.. doesnt make u less beautiful newayz" n i made a winkin smiley..
"aap bhi na.. koi aap se seekhe baatein banana.." she added shying away.. "khair.. i gtg.. namaz ka waqt ho raha hai"
gtg.. another stupid abbreviation which could be decoded in any way u liked.. but for now.. it was got to go..
"take care honey.. buzz me when u're online.. god i so desperately want to hug u for real" I said...
"sabr ka phal meetha hota hai janaab..tc.. Allah Hafiz" she said..
"Allah Hafiz" I replied and logged out!
dere was no reason i should be surfing the internet if Azra was not around.. Azra.. a name dat still resounds and echoes in my ears in dark lonely nights.. Azra.. meaning MAIDEN in arabic ! for me, she was my maiden angel
n dere i was.. smiling after dat little chat wid my gal.. desperately waiting for time to fly so dat i could talk to her again
rode my bike to have a fag! i was tryin to cut down on smokin since Azra requested me to do so! Itz funny how u manage to fight ur worst addictions n fears when u have luv by ur side!
i was smokin.. my phone rang
I was shocked to see dat number flash onto my mobile screen !
"wat d f**k.. what does he want frm me now.. m gonnna screw him if he talks any bullshit about Azra" I was thinkin in my head..
I pushed d green button on d keypad
"Hello" I said in an angry tone
"Hello wasil.. how r u" he said like a salesman on ur door tryin to sell d brand new toilet cleaner to u
"no buddy talk.. come to d point.. wat do u want" I was tryin to be as rude as I could..
"arrey bhai.. I told u I wanted to talk to u about sumthin important.. itz about Azra.. she's not wat u think she iz "he said
"I knw who she iz.. U r no more part of her life.. dont try to get revengeful n make up stories which i am not interested to listen to" I was furious
"I am not makin up any story.. just hear me out.. u r mature enuf to make ur decisions.. take a conscious call after i tell u what i want to tell u" he kinda.. requested
Dis was abhinav.. Azra's ex boyfriend.. I had known him through Azra when they were.. sort of.. dating online.. i never liked him.. for obvious reasons.. but since he n Azra had a break up.. I had not spoken to him except for a few times whr we encountedred each other online in some community on orkut or sumthing.. n we would fight over d topic of him ditching Azra.. n me being d right choice dat she made after makin a mistake of fallin for him
But few days back.. he had left an offline msg in yahoo.. saying he wanted to talk to me.. man to man.. about Azra.. n he asked my cell number..
I couldnt resist but give my number to him coz i wanted to take my rage out on him for ditching Azra.. although I knew dat if he dint do dat.. I wouldn't have been wid her
"Azra tumhe phasa rahi hai.. tum uske baare mein jaante hi kya ho jo uske liye mujhse ladte ho.. aur uss din tum keh rahe thhe tum uss se shadi karoge.. have u lost it.. do u knw she's 8 years elder than u"
I was not paying attention to his crap talk.. not until he said dat number "eight" I wanted to react furiosly.. but couldn't.. he wudn't stop talkin..
"N do u knw dat she haz been engaged before.. n i bet u dont know about d man she lives wid in dubai in his house" he was throwing questions which were stinging my heart.. I couldnt believe he could be so desperate to get revenge dat he made up such disgusting stories
"shut d freak up.. will u.. she'd have told me about awl dis if even a bit of it was true.. stop playin fool wid me.. i knw wat u're tryin to do.. she's just 3 years elder than me" I said
"oh.. so she lied to u bout her age as well.. u dont believe me.. well.. u remember she said she was born in ramzan.. just check her birth date and tally wid last 30 years calender.. u'll see dat ramzan occurs before 25-26 years in dat date" he added.. "n just ask who's samad.. she'll tell u"
i couldnt speak a word.. he was talking wid facts.. but i sumhow wanted to disagree to d evident.. wanted to run away from truth.. wanted Azra to come n say none of it iz true
"Salam.. how hv u been" she said az i logged in to yahoo chat
"walekum salam.. i got a call frm abhinav" i said
"wat? why? wat did he say? how does he have ur number" she asked so many questionz dat i dint knw which one to answer
"datz not important.. wat iz important iz.. dat i want to knw if u hv given me ur correct birth date" i was rude to her
"why do u ask.. ?? ofcourse i gave u d correct date" she justified
"n u were born in ramzan month.. rite" i was kinda interrogating her
"yes" she said.. precisely
"well.. if we go by dat.. u shud be 25 years old.. i checked out d calender for myself.."
"hmmm.." she said.. "wat hmm.. can u explain dat to me" i said.. "i bet u have more questions to ask now dat u've spoken to him.. please go ahead and put up each one of them.. i'll reply in d end"
"ok.. dat solves d mystery a li'l bit for me.. well.. not too many questions dat i have..just two more of them.." i said ironically
"have u ever been engaged before ? n who d freak is Samad ??"
dere was a long pause.. I could feel she was crying although she was thousands of miles away frm me..
"i was about to tell u about my age.. but i was waiting for d rite time.. i thought dat doesnt really matter to u.." she might hv written wid trembling fingers..
"i was engaged before.. but dat waz a bad memory n i never wanted to share anything bad wid u.. I alwayz wanted u to be happy.. wanted US to be happy.. I got engaged to my distant cousin.. but he was very dominant n rude.. i couldnt have lived with him.. he was a male chauvinist" she said hesitatingly.. I could almost feel tear drops running down her cheeck n finally grounding on d keyboard slider..
"n samad.. well he rescued me from dat ugly world back in delhi.. u already knw about my step parents.. agar wo mujhe yaha nahi lata toh shayad main marr chuki hoti" she said.. "he's just a friend for me.. itz only u dat i luv" she almost broke in silence for a couple of minutes..
"I trust every word u said Azra.. I trust dat ur distant cousin wasn't worth u.. coz u're just perfect.. I trust dat Samad iz just a friend.. n u two live in d same house like freinds do.. I trust each n every word u said or want to say" I said.. "N dat age thing.. well.. I never had any problems wid dat"
"But u knw wat Azra.. d worst part iz.. dat u kept me in d dark about awl dis.. everything of this.. n i mean everything.. i would have ignored if u told it to me urself.. if u thought I luved u enuf to have neglected dese shortcomings in u.. if u ever trusted me.. if u were sure enuf about my luv for u.. but u dint.. n dat iz whr it awl ends ! "
"No please wasil.. dont do dat to me.. i trust u.. but i just needed time to tell u"
"1 long year Azra.. how long do u need to tell d truth.. were u waiting for my parents to say a yes.. were u waiting for me to marry u.. have children.. n then tell me about awl dis" I was talking nonsense to her.. i was angry.. more wid myself than her.. coz i didnt knw how to react to her..
"TRUST is d word Azra.. I may be younger than u.. but i knw TRUST drives any relationship.. n I am afraid to say.. datz d only thing dat will now be missing in ours" I was tryin to be philosophical..
"U'd alwayz be my first luv.. I dont have any grudges against u.. but I sure can't move ahead wid u after awl dis.. I m sorry.. Itz OVER" n it almost killed me az i was sayin those two words"Itz OVER"
"Please dont go wasil.. I luv u" she must have dropped a bucket full of tears by now as i would imagine..
"No Azra.. u n me.. were never meant to be together i guess.. dis is how it had to end.. and it did.. may b u deserve sumone better than me.. Goodbye.. Allah hafiz.. n may God bless u" I thought dese wud be my last words to her.. n i logged out..
I kept getting some offlines and emails of her.. but i dint respond for a few months.. dis just made me realize dat itz alwayz U who's ur first priority.. u put URSELF.. before eveything when sumthing goes wrong.. n ur ego.. iz just too big to be moved easily.. when u r in luv.. u tend to surpass awl dese shortcomings.. but having been betrayed.. makes d ego in U awl d more strong and indestructive..
but time heals everything.. n i got over it.. even started to talk wid her formally sometimes.. but it alwayz stung my heart everytime i did dat..
4 years.. n itz az fresh a memory az of yesterday in my mind.. dose moments.. beautiful.. mesmerising.. when i talked wid her.. her voice when we talked over phone.. although rarely.. coz it was an international call dat i or she had to make..
over these years.. i have learnt that teenage is d most vulnerable part of ur life.. but itz d most teaching part az well..
n frm dat day.. i am following d song "kahin toh hogi woh.. duniya jaha tu mere paas hai" n i finally got my duniya ;)
Life alwayz has more happy moments than sad.. if u give everything a second shot !
Cheers to life !!
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